That Is So Not A Rule!

Myth:  If you have a lot of children, all girls in your family must wear ankle length skirts and jumpers.  Denim is the preferred material!

Um, nope.  I know it seems as though that is a large family rule along with others like:  all girls must have hair no shorter than their waistline, no tv’s allowed in the house, and no dancing allowed, but those are personal choices of families whether they are large or small.

You see, modesty is not a large family issue, it is an everyone issue.

As a large family, we have had the pleasure of meeting  a lot of other large families and really getting to know  most of them.  Only 2 of them wear dresses or skirts all of the time, while the rest of the families hold the same views on modesty we do.  I have even seen a couple of large families who have no problem with a complete lack of modesty.

What views do we hold on dressing modestly?

As you can see, we do not make our girls wear only skirts or dresses.  Let me state right here and now, I have no problems with people who make those choices.  I respect that choice and even admire it.  Our oldest, Renee (15), made the commitment almost 2 years ago to only dress in skirts or dresses.   That was her decision, and Mark and I totally support it.  How could we not?  She stepped up and answered what she felt God calling to her heart about.  That is awesome!

Some of our rules for the girls:

  • No skirt or dress hemline more than 2 inches above the knee cap.
  • Our younger girls (10 and younger) are required to wear bicycle shorts under any skirt or dress.  They are active young girls, and we prefer that they not show off any undergarments.
  • No spaghetti straps.  If the straps of a shirt are too narrow, it requires a shirt with  either sleeves or wider straps under it.   Another option is a to wear a button up shirt or shrug over it.
  • Bras are meant to be under your clothing and hidden.  Keep them that way.
  • Leggings are not a replacement for proper skirt/ dress length.
  • No pants that are too tight.   You need to be able to move freely and BREATHE!
  • No plunging necklines.
  • No belly shirts.
  • Shorts must follow the same rule as skirt/ dress hemlines.

You can be perfectly fashionable and modest while wearing blue jeans.  See?

We have rules for the boys as well:

  • I prefer shorts that come to the top of their knees.  They just look better at that length.
  • All pants must fit the waistline.
  • We do not run around the house shirtless, especially when people are visiting!
  • No shirts with anything vulgar on them.
I know there are less rules for the boys.  That is because they have less clothing options and they do not wear bras.  Just sayin’!  

Modesty is important to us!  Our goal is to teach our girls to be ladies and our boys to be gentlemen in both the manner that they dress and in the way that they treat other people.  We want them to respect God, themselves, and other people.  We do not want to be a stumbling block for others.

How you dress, the manner in which you present yourself, and how you treat other people says a lot about who you are and your relationship with God.

It is like we tell our children all of the time:  It may not be fair, but when we leave this house or have company over, we represent all large families, all homeschooling families, and all Believers.  Let’s do that with our eyes focused firmly on God and love in our hearts!

What are the modesty rules in your house?  Different?  More?  Less?

All for God’s glory,

~Rhen

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5 responses to “That Is So Not A Rule!

  1. Well I thought the rule book said all homeschooling mamas must wear denim jumpers at all times! Great post and I really like the guidelines!

  2. I loved this article! We have been talking much about modesty in our home lately, and this fits right in! 🙂 My girls aren’t quite as old yet, but we still have almost the same rules…. no skirts above the knee, no spaghetti straps, no belly shirts. We explain that we are to keep ourselves pure, even in dress. My oldest of 5 is only 7 years old, but I already have started talking with her about how we want to keep our bodies covered, as they are meant for our husbands eyes only. (Of course, she thinks that is gross at this point, but one day it will mean something.) 🙂 You are right when you say we represent all Believers – I love that!

  3. Our rules are generally the same. We don’t do sleeveless, but it hasn’t been a big issue as our oldest (only girl) is 6. We also expect all kids to keep legs closed when sitting (boys are 5, 2, 1) and no laying down on your back with your rump in the air. Boys don’t go shirtless and wear rash guards for swimming. Oh, and clothing or pj’s at all times – no running in the house naked, even if it is just us. Trying to get them to get dressed in their own rooms with the doors closed, but it is a work in progress… My daughter LOVES wearing skirts and dresses, but that is her choice. I personally don’t like wearing skirts/dresses, so I wouldn’t force that upon my daughter if I wouldn’t do it myself.

  4. Yep, our rules would be similar, though I’m not sure we’ve articulated them as well. Our girls are now 15 and 17, so modesty is such an important issue. There are modesty issues though, even if they are covered up. Tight tops can be immodest even though they are covering up the skin.

    Such a battle in many ways. It can be so hard to find nice clothes for them. Our family is not a skirt/dresses only family – in fact, apart from church, we’re almost always in trousers/capris/short (not me in shorts!! – not sure the world could survive my knees being on show 😉 )

  5. I’ve had a lot of issues with modesty ever since highschool, when I was ‘blackballed’ for not being modest enough (to my fellow students)…in retrospect, I still hold to the argument that I was, especially in a public school. Anyway, but because of those days, I almost always wear a white tank top under every shirt to make sure the neckline isn’t too low and to make sure my underwear at my waste stays covered, should I bend over. I have a daughter who’s 1 year and I’m careful, even at that age, what she wears. My current problem/issue is this: I’d actually LOVE to wear skirts all the time but my husband doesn’t want me to, for fear I will be confused with pentacostles or a cult. 🙂 He’s not a bible believing man. We also have summertime/swimtime issues. I’m not afraid to wear a bathing suit, and wore a one piece thru my last pregnancy and after her birth, but during ‘non-heavy’ summers, he likes a bikini. 🙂 And truthfully? I like bikinis! So bikinis are one area that I don’t hold myself back to be modest…I don’t think any swim suits are modest, but I also don’t want anyone to think that in order to be a good Christian, they have to wear those swim dresses that the Duggar family wears. And, btw, I don’t even allow my 1 year old to wear bikinis. I will expect my daughter to dress her age and a bikini is not in the near future for her. How do you handle swimtime and vacations?

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