Letting go.

      Right after the first question of  “Are they all yours?” comes the “Are you done yet?”. 

      We never intended to have a large family.  It never even crossed my mind.  If you would have told me 10 years ago I would eventually  have 7 children I would have had a very hearty laugh and looked at you like you were crazy. 

      Now I am on the other side of that.  Now I am considering the idea of not having any more.  More than just considering.  As far as I am concerned right now I am done.  Unless God does a huge work on my heart I am done.  Seven seems like a good number. 

     Today we are finishing up the monumental task of trading out each of the kids’ clothes for cold weather clothing in the appropriate sizes.  I am taking the time to go through everything from size 2t to 12. 

      I started pulling out all of the little boy clothes.  Then it hit me.  My son will be 11 next month.  Did you hear me?  I said E-L-E-V-E-N!  What?!  It doesn’t seem so dramatic and shocking with the girls.  There are 5 more after Ms. Serious who will be wearing the girl clothing.  There are girl babies in the house.  There are no boy babies.  No little boys.  My boy is becoming a young man. 

      As I pull out each piece of his old clothing I am remembering him wearing them.  I remember how blonde and curly his hair was when he was little.  I waited as long as I could to cut his hair.  I still have those curls.  I pull out the little suits and remember how proud he was of his dinosaur tie.  He still loves dressing up and looking nice.  I can still see him running around in his Blues Clues shirt and matching overalls. 

     Every time I put those little boy clothes in the donate bag I get a little lump in my throat.

     He is not little anymore.

     He is growing so fast he can almost look me in the eye.

     I had saved those clothes just in case we had another boy.  It would seem as though that is not what God had for us.  

     As I sort the clothing and take out the little boy items I am realizing just how hard it is to let go. 

     I feel like I am letting go of my little boy.  The lump just keeps getting bigger. 

     I look over at him and he looks even older to me now. 

     I had even considered getting rid of the clothing Ms. Dimples (5 months) has outgrown.  I am not ready for that. 

     I would have never thought it would be so hard to let go of clothing. 

     It feels like so much more than clothing right now. 

     Ya know?

God bless,

~Rhen

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8 responses to “Letting go.

  1. I’m with you. But I found that when they eventually go off to college, they want me to save even more than I intended to! Maybe it will be different for my boys. We will see. But right now we have boxes and boxes of girls things, not to mention two horses, waiting for a home of their own because they just can’t part with their childhood either.

  2. You’d be surprised how much are childhood treasures. My horse came with me when I moved out of my parents house, as well as I’m embarrassed to admit, a stuffed parrot I’ve had forever…

  3. I know exactly how you feel. I still have a few little boy clothes that I haven’t let go of “just in case”, even though I too am done unless God says otherwise. I got rid of all my baby girl clothes 3 years ago because I was done then too – thankfully God has generously provided new clothes for our little Norah! LOL

  4. I feel the same lump. I know we are not to cling to things of this world, and I know some of these clothes can be used by others but STILL I can’t give them away. I have passed along many, many bags of clothes but there are still so many that I just can’t seem to release. It’s like I am releasing the possibility of ever having another baby to nurse or swaddle or kiss their pudgy baby rolls.

  5. I did it when I was still miserable and pregnant and the ultrasound had again confirmed “girl.” I’d meant to go through each size and save a few outfits, but I just sent 10 boxes out the door to a friend who needed them. And I miss those little clothes, but not as much as I miss that little boy.

  6. I am on the verge of tackling this very thing myself. Switching clothes. Figuring out who needs what for the winter. And all the baby and maternity items…I just haven’t been able to get rid of them yet. I THINK I’m done, but I just can’t let them go.

  7. Why is it so hard to let go of old clothes? I think all Mamas have this same problem but you wrote about it beautifully!

  8. Oh, it’s so good to read that I’m not the only one for whom each little piece of clothing bring back sweet memories. It’s so hard to let go, yet I know that it’s not logical. Recently I saw some of my son’s clothes on a friend’s son, and I almost cried for want of that sweet little boy! So silly of me!

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